Â I am not an easy person to live with, especially since I’ve gotten older, not to mention divorced and then remarried. I was never very strong in the patience department, but I’m really not a patient person now. I’m easily irritated and won’t watch TV shows, especially news shows, if it is a repeat of information. I can’t stand television shows where people yell at each other and will leave the room if Maurice happens to be watching one. I really didn’t think I would ever find anyone who would want to marry me again after my first divorce. I liked being alone, I liked being in charge of the remote control, when I ate, what I ate, all of that.
Â So, I was surprised when Maurice wanted to marry me. He had to wear me down but we did finally marry. Maurice is a really sweet man who seems to like my various moods and even gets tickled at things I get upset about. I truly feel like I can be the real me, that I don’t have to hide my feelings or moods as I did in my first marriage. My best friend said to me after she had been around Maurice and me that I was more the real me with him than I had ever been before. I thought that was cool.
Â Meanwhile, I was going through life, doing my thing, when I was brought up short by my sister. We were in NYC and had had our palms read by a sidewalk psychic. One of the things the psychic said to me was that I was keeping alot of emotions to myself and that I wasn’t showing Maurice enough love–I was holding back. When talking to my sister about this, because I wasn’t sure if that was the case, she told me that she thought I was too hard on Maurice, not kind, rather attacking, I guess. My first thought was, “I am?” He seems happy enough to me. Am I being nasty to him? So, I’ve gone back to really watching my responses, trying to be polite and kind with him, not sure what kind of person I have become.
Â I was talking with my best friend about all of this and reminded her of what she had said about my being more myself with Maurice than I had ever been before. Then the thought came to me, “Maybe my real true self is the screaming bitch from hell!” I’ll have to think on this some more.