The Real Me

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 I am not an easy person to live with, especially since I’ve gotten older, not to mention divorced and then remarried. I was never very strong in the patience department, but I’m really not a patient person now. I’m easily irritated and won’t watch TV shows, especially news shows, if it is a repeat of information. I can’t stand television shows where people yell at each other and will leave the room if Maurice happens to be watching one. I really didn’t think I would ever find anyone who would want to marry me again after my first divorce. I liked being alone, I liked being in charge of the remote control, when I ate, what I ate, all of that.

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 So, I was surprised when Maurice wanted to marry me. He had to wear me down but we did finally marry. Maurice is a really sweet man who seems to like my various moods and even gets tickled at things I get upset about. I truly feel like I can be the real me, that I don’t have to hide my feelings or moods as I did in my first marriage. My best friend said to me after she had been around Maurice and me that I was more the real me with him than I had ever been before. I thought that was cool.

 Meanwhile, I was going through life, doing my thing, when I was brought up short by my sister. We were in NYC and had had our palms read by a sidewalk psychic. One of the things the psychic said to me was that I was keeping alot of emotions to myself and that I wasn’t showing Maurice enough love–I was holding back. When talking to my sister about this, because I wasn’t sure if that was the case, she told me that she thought I was too hard on Maurice, not kind, rather attacking, I guess. My first thought was, “I am?” He seems happy enough to me. Am I being nasty to him? So, I’ve gone back to really watching my responses, trying to be polite and kind with him, not sure what kind of person I have become.

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 I was talking with my best friend about all of this and reminded her of what she had said about my being more myself with Maurice than I had ever been before. Then the thought came to me, “Maybe my real true self is the screaming bitch from hell!” I’ll have to think on this some more.

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13 thoughts on “The Real Me

  1. Your description of yourself in this post is very much like mine…although I do enjoy those Frenchie shows with people screaming at each other in a circle. :0) Maybe I’ll be lucky enough too, to meet someone that can actually rise to the challenge!

  2. Ain’t it grand to be loved unconditionally?
    I’m lucky in this department, too. Don’t question it – enjoy!

    Love your illustrative photos 😉

  3. I wrote a pithy and valuable post, which typepad lost when it decided I hadn’t correctly entered the secret code. Sigh.

    What I decided I meant was … I am not immutable. I can still be me without embracing/exercising/strengthening the nastier aspects of me.

    I can still be me while nudging myself in the direction of being a me who is healthier to be around (for me, and for others I care about). Not because others think I should (though lord knows they do, with my mother at the top of the list!), but because *I* notice and *I* want to shift away from the Virago end of the scale toward a me that is perhaps a bit less fly-off-the-handle-ish…… At least around the people I care about……….

  4. Just read your last two posts and am fascinated by this glimpse into you, the person.

    Especially what you said about the hidden distrust of your first husband after that trip in Madagascar..it echoes things that happened to me with my Ex too.

    You’re very blessed to have a man like Maurice…all I can say is take good care of that love. But you know that.

  5. Astrological signs may be taken with a grain of salt, but they do propose an interesting concept: Character inclinations have two sides, toward the petty selfish outlook or toward the more enlightened. For instance, as a Scorpio, I could devolve into a retributive Scorpion or evolve into a soaring Eagle. The same character traits that describe me would still apply in either case, but the way I choose to use them could result in noticeably different outcomes. Without sacrificing any of my strengths, I could reign in some of my weaknesses that actually undermine what matters to me. Maybe easier said than done, but we choose our battlefields.

  6. You make me laugh ! Most of us can identify with wondering if we are the bitch from hell…. so I guess most men are used to it… comes with the package . I also think women tend to be too hard on themselves. Methinks Maurice likes fiesty… docile might be boring ????

  7. What a hoot…I love to be alone…but always look forward to hubby coming in the door…favorite alone time is morning when everyone leaves.
    God bless Maurice

  8. I agree with diana. You are FUNNY and fiesty! And maybe that’s what Maurice loves about you. Gotta tell you though, the picture at the end was the icing on the cake.

    Hilarious!!

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